Monday, June 14, 2010

The Acoustic Vaginas of a Life Unshapely


It’s been a while. As per usual, there is a lot to write about and little time to write with. Part of the reason is the bout of marking that I’ve imposed upon myself in the last couple of weeks.

As has been well-documented by now, I teach all of the students in my school, which allows me to see them only once every two weeks. That’s over 1100 students this year. So, in a likely misguided attempt to “know” my 330 grade 3 (grade 9 to those back home) students, I asked them to write a paragraph for me to grade.
I did this for two reasons:

1) Other than the speaking tests that I am to give my students twice each term (four times a year), nothing my students do in my class really counts toward their grades – this is evidenced by their all-too-often apathy as soon as they cross the threshold into the English-Only Room. This little assignment might clue them into the fact that I am doing my best to pay attention to each student with the time I am able to devote to each.

2) Since newspaper articles and questions based on them are what our speaking tests are about this month, I figured it would be fun to get them to each write a brief article. It’s a chance to be creative in a second language, which for some is just what’s needed.

So, the assignment was to write a short newspaper article about a recent or upcoming event. In an attempt to prompt the less imaginative or motivated students, I gave the “Who?”, “Where?” and “When?” of their stories, and left them to come up with the “What?”, “Why?”, and “How?”

Students chose one card at random from each of the three piles:

“Who?” (Beyonce, Obama, Gwyneth Paltrow, Lee Myung-Bak, G-Dragon)

“Where?” (Our middle school, Myeong-dong, the International Space Station, Everland, Family Mart, my house)

“When?” (Chuseok, Christmas, last night, next month, Buddha’s Birthday, Children’s Day)

Some of the answers were very well thought out and fun – showing a desire to do work outside of class time and experiment with the language. Others, looked like this:

May 20th. Today is a birthday of the Buddha. This day Beyonce comes to korea, and she played it, Audiences were enthusiastically the acoustic vaginas as soon as Beyonce danced. And monks will dance it according to Beyonce’s dances. Audiences laughed. And it seemed to be the “blown-eyed girls” which was a singer, and baby monks did it, and they liked as soon as Beyonse posed of the Buddha.

One might raise obvious questions from such an article. One: don’t grade 9 students know to capitalize a country’s name? Don’t they know not to start a sentence with “And”? Oh, and WHAT THE HELL IS AN ACOUSTIC VAGINA?!!! That was either some serious misuse of a dictionary, or some oddly intended subversion in the latest issue of the Sindobong Sentinel.

Speaking of misuse of a dictionary, check out the sad misfortune that befalls Mrs. Chris Martin on Christmas Eve…

Last night Christmas Gwyneth Paltrow is soju eat. She is guarantee stand, so guarantee stand. She is life unshapely. She is a debt run-up - a score. So she is life unshapely. She is family mart in the sleep, so policeman is a arrest.

Yes, there were some good efforts, too – and they’ll be awarded accordingly, but these are infinitely more quotable.

3 comments:

Douglas said...

Thanks Dave,

You've officially given me my next fantasy football team name. A break from but a worthy follow up to past product placement team names such as "Just for Men" and "Will it Blend?".

Hilarious story.

Jen Davies, MA, CDP said...

Those are truly awesome paragraphs. I'd be really interested to learn what an acoustic vagina (as opposed to a more typical one) is!

George Bailey Sees The World! said...

Yeah, the two together make what is perhaps the best title for anything - at any point in history. I'm pretty sure it will serve as the title of my biography that nobody would want to read. With that title however, it'll be a New York Times best-seller. Now, to live a life unshapely.