Friday, November 9, 2012

Happy Ero Christmas

I have lived in Korea long enough to have seen some absolutely awful films. One was an American ensemble piece from 2008 that was trying to cash in on the Crash formula. It sucked. Can't remember the name. I also saw The Other Boleyn Girl while I was here. That was 50 shades of rank amateur porn.

Some of the terrible movies I've seen here have also been Korean. Anyway, this latest one comes dangerously close to de-throning D-War as the worst Korean film I've ever seen.

I know, the cover doesn't look promising, but hear me out...

The rabbit and I were venturing to the new Seoul Central Library to return my DVDs from last week and she picked-up this little gem. I saw the "Happy Christmas" portion of the title, and I had a vague flash-back to some Korean "Love Actually" clone from Christmas of 2007 - my first holiday season away from home. I didn't get to see it then, so I thought this might be a good time to make amends.

Plus, the rabbit and I like Cha Tae-hyun - the lead from My Sassy Girl (certainly the greatest Korean romantic comedy) as well as the more recent Hello, Ghost (comedic cheese with a surprising heart). He's unrecognizable behind the Rudolph nose, but trust me - he's a likeable cat. Christmas and Cha Tae-hyun - how could one go wrong? The weather is getting colder and Halloween is over, so why not?

Anyway, we take the movie home and then then the next day I'm having a conversation with my co-teachers about the movie I'm going to watch with my wife later that night. I was convinced it was called "Merry Christmas" and it was made in 2007. There seemed to be some kind of buzz about the office as nobody had heard of the movie. A frantic NAVER search began and then we finally came across the poster that I recognized from the DVD cover.

My co-teacher read me the title:

Co-teacher: "Happy Ero Christmas"
All other Teachers within ear-shot: "Oooooooooooooooh!!!!

So, apparently, "ero"is Konglish for eroticism. Hey, everyone - I'm going to go home to watch an erotic holiday video with my wife! It pays to look into these things before introducing them to one's co-workers.

The movie is not erotic, but it certainly is awful. I'll let the poorly edited Wikipedia plot summary take over from here, because I really can't bear to mentally return to any moment from that film:
"Yearning to be a respectful cop and vanquish the evil since he was young, Byung-ki (Cha Tae-hyun) is a patrolman of few words in a village, helping out trivial tasks like distributing promotional papers. One day, he runs into Min-kyong (Kim Sun-a), an employee of the neighborhood bowling alley, and falls for her at first sight. His attempts to woo her, however, are hardly noticeable and even seem to be gloomy as the boss of the local gang Sang-doo, who also swoons over Min-kyong, strikes to get her virginity on Christmas Eve!
Watch for the goofy tricks of the two to compete for Min-kyong and finally come to blows!"
 I tried to imagine the cast of this "film" attending the premiere, and the cold sweat that appears on the brows of those who would rather be anywhere else.

Avoid at all costs.

Going to see Skyfall tonight. The opening credits will be like a pallet cleanser, and the rest will be like the filmic meal I've been needing since my cinematic stomach rejected the putrid and paltry offering  I presented last night.

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